Back when Joan and I got married, we were like any other newly married couple. We had sex all the time. There wasn’t a week where we didn’t have sex at least three times. At that point in time, I couldn’t fathom why older married couples had next to no sex. The thought of not being intimate with my wife didn’t make any sense whatsoever. However, after about two years, I definitely noticed that we weren’t in the sack half as much as what we were in the beginning.
Don’t get me wrong. I still loved my wife as much as when we got married, if not more. Then our first daughter was born. The frequency of sex went down even further, and I was slowly but surely beginning to realize why those older couples hardly ever have sex.
At first, I tried to fight it and made more of an effort to have sex, thinking that my wife also wanted to have more sex. The truth is, we were both exhausted and the thought of a good night’s rest seemed way more alluring than a hot and steamy sex session.
The urge was losing the heat
However, when our daughter was about two years old, we had been sleeping through for a while, and both of us started to get in the mood more often. Our sex-life was back on track, and we were loving it. That was until my wife fell pregnant again.
We tried to keep things going, but we were fighting a losing battle. Neither of us really felt like having sex. Without knowing it, it started to put strain on our marriage. It wasn’t because we thought that there was a third wheel or something, but rather guilt.
Both my wife and I loved sex, and we thought that we were neglecting each other’s desires for sex and consequently felt guilty. That guilt turned into resentment, and we started to have more frequent arguments.
There was a bit of a divide beginning to grow between us, and with having two kids, neither of us felt like we had the time to sort it out. I was beginning to get worried and desperately wanted to patch things up before it got out of hand. It was then that I started planning our second honeymoon.
Getting in the mood – Again
I organized for the kids to go and stay with their grandparents for a week and booked the same little cabin in the mountains where we had our first honeymoon. One day after work, when my wife got home, she was surprised to find the house empty. I told her that she had to get dressed and we were off. She had no idea where we were going until she noticed the landscape.
There was a familiar excitement in her eyes that I had not seen in a long while. We got to the cabin, and before the bags were even unloaded, we were naked and had sex for the first time in what felt like ages. I am not going to lie, it was amazing. But that was the last time that we would have sex for that whole week.
That night, I packed a fire, and we had some wine in front of the fireplace and actually talked for what seemed like the first time in months. I told her how guilty I had felt for not having more sex with her and to my surprise the feeling was mutual. We went on to talk for hours and realized that the intimacy that we craved was actually just to spend some time with each other.
We spent the rest of the week going for walks, drinking way too much wine and joking around like old friends. It was amazing. We experienced a freedom and openness with one another that can’t really be explained, and all of that, without sex. The truth is, I don’t think we’ll ever have sex again. Not because we don’t want to, but because we found intimacy outside of the bedroom and we love it.