Every parent has a different style of disciplining their children. Some take the softer approach, while others believe a sterner feel is necessary. While it is fair that every parent adapts their approach to their child’s personality and their beliefs, some techniques just do not work.
Children are very different to us. They are still so innocent, naïve and they take in everything around them. That is why we need to tread so lightly when trying to guide them along the correct path. Our disciplining patterns will have an effect on how they manage situations and how they problem solve in the future.
There are some techniques that are outdated and need to be replaced. Discipline is a field in which parents should do research before deciding on how to approach it, as there are some very effective ways to conduct behavioral lessons.
Here are some techniques that do not work:
Spanking is such a controversial subject. Old school parents believe that children react to a spanking by avoiding that negative behavior in future, but that just isn’t true. By spanking your child, you are not only humiliating and belittling them, but you are showing them that violence is an acceptable answer to problems. Acting out of anger is never a good idea, especially when physical contact is involved.
All parents know how difficult it can be to keep your cool when everything is driving you mad and the kids aren’t behaving. But letting yourself burst out in anger and shouting at the kids is never a good idea. You might end up losing control and saying something you will later regret, and you are not showing them how to remain calm and collected in tough situations.
You should never compare one child to another. You know how different your children are, so telling the one that they aren’t as good as the other really isn’t fair. Each child needs to be treated individually and needs to be reprimanded according to their actions and not actions of their siblings. By doing this, they will eventually develop a low self-worth which will follow them throughout life.
Never negotiate with a child, they are really stubborn and will probably win. You are the parent and you make the rules, no questions asked.
Making up stories to punish your child isn’t fair. “Don’t pull a face or your face will stay that way” or some nonsense like that isn’t giving them a good picture of what life is really like. Always be open and honest with them, and you can expect openness and honesty in return.
- Differing views
As parents, you need to be unified in discipline. If one parent rushes in to stop the other parent from disciplining the child because they feel bad, the child will eventually learn to play on this divide and use it to get away with bad behavior. Have regular talks on how to approach these situations and work together to create a well-behaved child.
Time-outs don’t really work. Setting your child aside to stare at a corner for 10 minutes is not teaching them how to deal with frustrating situations. Instead, we should be working with our children to understand why they are misbehaving, and how to avoid it from happening again.
Some parents choose to ignore their kids when they misbehave. They believe that this will stop the child doing it again in future. This isn’t the case, however. Even if they express it by misbehaving, your child has new emotions and feelings hurled at him every day by his growing mind and body, and you need to be present to help them work through and understand these.
- Bed without dinner
This is really old school and might not actually happen anymore, but one really doesn’t have to wonder hard why this isn’t a good idea. Children need food to grow, and sending a kid to bed hungry is just cruel.
- Passing it on
No matter how overwhelmed you feel, don’t pass on the buck to the other parent. You need to stand your ground as the adult and enforce the rules. By passing the responsibility of discipline on to the other parent, you are taking authority away from yourself, and your child will probably not respect you as much as the disciplining parent.
There are so many different positive techniques to use when approaching discipline in children. You and your partner need to set some time aside to research some techniques and make sure you are a united front when dealing with these tough situations.