A new baby may do wonders for your emotional connection as a couple but it can also result in a lackluster sex life. You may wonder how other couples even find the time for sex between all the burping, feeding, changing and lack of sleep. It may take a while after giving birth to reconnect with your sexual self but the following tips will help you.
- Don’t let being a mother stand in the way
Your new role as a mother can stand in the way of your sex life if you let it. What can help is for you and your partner to support one another in adjusting. You will feel just as sexy as you did before having a baby if you partner continues to compliment you and make you feel good about yourself. Reassuring your partner of your continued interest, affection and attraction to him will help him too.
- Redefine foreplay
Foreplay does not have to be physical. It can consist of sexy text messages and notes in a lunchbox. When you have a baby, you have to find more creative ways to indulge in foreplay and prepare for sex. Indulging in this kind of foreplay is just as sexy as physical foreplay and can go a long way towards keeping the spark alive.
- Stay connected with your partner
You cannot afford to lose your sexual connection because it may be hard to get it back. Make an effort to stay connected– eye contact or a gentle touch can create a connection in an instant. It’s often the little gestures or small moments that matter. Try to do things you did before kids and talk about more than just the baby.
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- Get creative with your sex life
You may have to become more creative about your sex life instead of waiting for all the conditions to be right. Try having sex after the morning feed while baby is sleeping or having a quickie in the shower. Just doing it in a place other than the bedroom can help to keep it fresh.
- Rely on your sense of humor
Sex as a parent often requires a sense of humor and you should be able to laugh at some of the ridiculous things together. Breastmilk leaking all over? Baby crying at a crucial moment? Enjoy the irony together.
- Oral sex can keep the connection
Sex does not necessarily have to be intercourse. Hormonal changes might be playing havoc with your sex drive and that is alright. Oral sex that does not involve penetration might be easier soon after giving birth and it will keep your partner happy and your connection alive.
- Don’t regard sex as an obligation
You can’t view sex as just another thing you have to do. Sex is for both of you and it can really help to reduce stress and make you feel closer. If you’re not really into it and you are just going through the motions, your partner will probably pick up on it.
- Plan date nights
You need to schedule time alone with your partner when you have a baby taking up all your attention. Even if it’s just going out for a glass of wine once a week and leaving the baby with a relative, it can make all the difference. For women, sexual intimacy is built on emotional intimacy and engaging in emotional foreplay on date night makes sex more likely.
- Don’t forget to rest
If you’re visibly stressed out and exhausted when your partner walks through the door, sex will be the last thing on either of your minds. It’s important to try and take naps while the baby is sleeping. Don’t start cleaning the house. Ignore it and take a nap instead.
- Use lubricant
Lubricant can make a difference, especially post-pregnancy when vaginal dryness can be common. It reduces any pain and makes penetration easier.