Becoming a parent has its many ups and downs. One of the biggest downs you will experience is that of your sex life. When you have a baby, your nights and days are jam-packed with feeding, changing, bathing, cuddles, and naps. This is all before you have even had a chance to get out of your pajamas and brush your hair. The last thing on your mind is dolling yourself up, or staying up an extra half an hour to have some adult time with your partner.
When we become mothers, we gain so much. We blossom into a new person. We have new responsibilities, new emotions, and overwhelming love. However, we also seem to lose a part of ourselves. The days of being a wife or partner feel like they are over, and the time to just be mom is now. By becoming this new person, we very easily forget that there is someone else in the relationship with us and that we need to look outside our new role as a mom. There is a partner waiting for your return. Needing the intimacy that you had so dearly before.
Your mom jeans and messy bun might not be what you think defines sexy, and you feel like your body has been through a massive change. You just don’t feel like you. This can have a major effect on your sex drive, and you might be put completely off sex because of your lack self-confidence. Don’t sit and suffer in silence. Speak to your partner about these concerns, chances are he is just as attracted to you as he was before, if not more. Being open and honest with your partner can be the key to both of you feeling comfortable with your new roles as parents and partners.
Try and also see things from your partners’ point of view. He is more than likely feeling swept aside by your new devotion to your baby. He isn’t able to be as involved with you as he was before, and this could cause some tension. Having a good, or at least existent, sex life may be the only way for you and your partner to bond in the early days of motherhood, while all your other time is taken up by the baby. Not only does this secure your happiness in your relationship into the future, it also gives you a chance to be more than just ‘mom’. Feel like your old self again and enjoy your adult time. There is nothing wrong with some indulgence while baby sleeps.
Some Moms think that they will lose out on even more sleep if they have sex at night. However, couples who engage in sexual activities before bed actually have better sleep. Also if you can’t find time to work out with your new routine – sex is the perfect physical activity!
So here are a couple of ways to keep up your sex life, and keep it fun and exciting.
Talk to your partner. Let him know your concerns, and he will hopefully let you know his. Ask for what you want – he may be too nervous to approach the matter.
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Start feeling good about yourself again. Finding the time to doll yourself up every day is nearly impossible with a new baby. But take small steps. Get your nails done or buy a new dress, these small gestures to yourself will do a world of good for your confidence.
Who needs to do chores straight away? If you and your spouse are home and your baby has just gone down for a sleep, have some fun. The dishes can wait and the mop isn’t going to run away.
Be creative. Can’t use the bed? The couch, kitchen counter or the good old floor will do. The excitement will boost your sex drive more and you’ll probably end up having more fun!
Keep it up. Your sex life doesn’t have to be just about sex. A bum squeeze or a peck on the cheek every now and again will keep the love alive, especially when you’re too tired to do the deed.
Try to remember that you were a partner before a mom. Keep your relationship thriving, there is nothing better than being able to live both as a mom and to feel wanted by your man.