Some women are lucky enough to fall pregnant very quickly, or even fall pregnant without meaning to (an oops baby!). There are however some who don’t fall pregnant on the first try and often try for months, even years, to conceive. Sometimes, pregnancies end abruptly in miscarriage. Not being able to conceive when you want so badly to have a baby, or knowing that there is a biological factor making conception more difficult can be heart-breaking for a woman.
If you have a friend that is experiencing this, or who is trying to fall pregnant and not having any luck, be careful of what you say. While your intentions might be nothing but good, your words may come across very differently to the recipient. Some women don’t want to talk about their difficulties falling pregnant. Make sure that you are readily available to support them emotionally, but wait for them to confide in you first.
Here are a few things you need to avoid saying to a friend who is trying to fall pregnant.
It will happen when it’s meant to be
For your friend trying to conceive, it is meant to be now. She doesn’t want to wait for the powers that be decide that she is ready to have a baby. Her heart and soul is set on bringing a new life into this world, it should not be up to anyone else to decide when this happens.
Take it easy
While this is often said with the best intentions, it can come across quite belittling. Your friend would have done her research and would know exactly how to fall pregnant. Telling her to take it easy is a bit insulting to her journey of trying to fall pregnant. Let her do it the way she wants to.
Try to pray for a baby
Not only is religion not a thing for some, but giving up a solution of ‘praying’ just doesn’t cut it. While some people find comfort in praying, it is more than likely not going to result in your friend falling pregnant. It is also implying that maybe in the eyes of God, your friend isn’t worthy of a baby – why else would she not be pregnant already? Just avoid this all together.
Why don’t you adopt?
Adoption is a great process of giving a child a new home, but for some parents, there is nothing they want more than having a baby of their own. You should not suggest that having their own child and experiencing pregnancy is not an option for them. Adoption is a big emotional decision to make, and they probably aren’t ready to deal with that right now.
When are you trying again?
If your friend has experienced a miscarriage or has taken a break from trying, do not ask when they will start trying again. This is incredibly personal, and chances are they are still recovering from the heartbreak of losing a pregnancy or not being able to conceive in the first place. Respect their space and privacy. If they want to share this information, they will in their own time.
Not everyone is meant to have a child
Don’t. Even. Go. There. This is possibly the worst thing to say to a mom trying to conceive. Who are you to decide that she is one of those moms who simply shouldn’t have a baby? You are taking away what she feels her purpose is at this time, and raining down some serious negativity on her journey.
We fell pregnant so easily
That’s great – for you. However, it means absolutely nothing to your friend. Your success at falling pregnant does not in any way impact how she may fair on her journey. You are one of the lucky ones, be grateful for that instead of using it to somehow encourage your friend. Not everyone walks the same path.
Your kind words and tips might be coming from a very loving, caring place. Remember though that this is a very personal time in their lives, and the prospective mom and dad will want to keep their progress and reasons private for now. When they feel ready to share, they will. Just make sure that you let them know you are available to talk whenever they might need it.